If you pay attention to Hey Eleanor, you might know that I am pregnant.
However, you might not know that, too.
I haven't shared any photos of my bump via social media. Ultrasound photos? Pssshhht, only with our parents and a few select family members and friends. I've written one blog post about my baby fears (there are way more than what's listed there!), and one about our babymoon. For someone who writes a lot about their personal life, pregnancy and motherhood have mostly been off-limits. Wanna know why?
It means big changes and I'm scared.
I'm not talking about the fears that surround becoming a mom (though... um... yes). I'm afraid that if I start writing about this stuff, readers will run away like the last human survivors of the zombie apocalypse. And yet...
This experience is consuming me.
I barely knew anything about pregnancy, babies and parenting a year ago. I still don't know jack! (Have I mentioned that I didn't even change a diaper until my 30s?!). But as much as I'm trying to get out of the house, do normal stuff, and be my normal old self, guess what? That Molly has changed. She's become who my husband and I have dubbed "Polly" aka Pregnant Molly.
Molly eats lots of healthy food, avoids most grains, loves wine and IPAs and never drinks soda. Polly loves muffins, cookies, the occasional salad and is on a quest for the perfect root beer. Molly would have no problem staying up past midnight on a school night. Polly goes to bed at nine. Molly works from home and would never, ever turns on the TV before 7pm. Polly often takes a mid-day nap while HGTV'sFixer-Upper plays in the background.
Things are... different.
The whole idea behind Hey Eleanor was to face my fears, find adventure in my backyard and write about it. I'm still doing both, but in a different way. But I've been too afraid to write much about that because I don't want to alienate my readers. And I don't want to pigeonhole myself because the term mommy blogger grosses me out.
Because of that, I've been barely writing anything.
I love writing. It's a bit like therapy for me (though, TBH, therapy is also like therapy for me). Instead of staying silent about the BIG SCARY CHANGE in my life, I'm embracing it.
That might mean some of my readers are less interested in some of the posts I'm putting out there. That's okay. It'll probably mean I gain some new folks, too. And I'm still going to publish non-mom stuff... so don't worry, all is not lost.
They say kids change everything.
But I'm hopeful that I can maintain some semblance of Molly once this baby girl (!) arrives. I was pretty inspired by these folks-- and with patience and the right attitude (and of course, a normal, healthy kid) you really can take your kids anywhere. I find some peace in knowing once she's born, Polly will become Mom Molly... which when combined, puts me right back at Molly. I know she's be different.
But different is okay.
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